01 02 03 Amorina Rose Writes: What are you prepared to do to achieve the dream? 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

What are you prepared to do to achieve the dream?


March already! So, hard to believe and I wish I could say time flies when you are having fun but this is real life so it wouldn’t be quite true.  Life is fun but it is also a lot of hard work sometimes just to survive.  I am more aware of this as I grow older not so much because of the aging process but because the time grows short to reach the dream and you have to wonder if it is or ever was the right dream.  Surely it has to be since I have wanted it for so long?  Yet here I am and whilst a lot of my dreams have come to fruition the ones I considered the most important are somewhat lagging behind, writing and the soul mate. 

Not so long ago I came across an article by a man called Mark Manson and it caught my attention. Mark works in the area of personal growth and development and I will have a link at the end of this so that if you want to follow up you can at your leisure. The article talks about people wanting to feel good and lead happy lives.  The right job, looks, relationships, money, admiration and popularity all rate fairly high here. To want these things is human, to have all these things is luck, or is there more to it.  Some people do get it all, some have specific desires in mind, achieve this and it gives them access to more.  Some people achieve but aren’t happy feeling their success is measured in some way and comes up lacking. It wasn’t what they had in mind or it hasn’t included the relationship and family, or admiration.  Happiness slips a little down the ladder in their minds.  And, happiness of course is the ultimate measure.  The article resonated and started me thinking. 

Though I may lack money and position (very awkward at this stage of life but then they never mattered that much to me) I have still managed to do quite a bit.  Has it been all that I wanted? Has it been what I dreamed of in the deepest recesses of my mind? Can I can look around me and say I am happy?  These are questions I find hard to answer because whilst I can say yes unfortunately I can also say no to so much more.  Now this is where I found Mark’s article so interesting.  Like many of you, I have dreams that haunt me.  They have sat and sat and gone nowhere. Why?  It’s not like I am the proverbial spring chicken. I have had a few years in which to dream and achieve some modicum of success. Success being what stock replies suggest is being happy because being happy comes from achieving equilibrium in career and family.  Alright this seems to be a fair call but if there are still dreams unfulfilled how can there be any equilibrium? 

Why did these dreams fall by the wayside?  I mean it has to be the rare person who has the right career, the right partner, money in the bank, admiration, just a few of those wonderful titbits of living that adds dimensions to our lives. Can it be these people chose so well that things fell into place?  What drove them? Mark believes they asked the right questions whilst many of us were too afraid. He sees success as people asking and answering the following “... what pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for? Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out.” Wow! This resonated like a hammer to the head so I had to investigate further.  I had to look at myself closely, truthfully and ruthlessly. I don’t have a complaint with things in my life, I have three wonderful children (three grandchildren and another on the way) and some great friends and family even if they are a long way away these days yet I am restless, too restless to be truly happy and at peace. I always have been. 

You see, I dreamed of a world where I wrote books that would bring pleasure to people.  I dreamed of a world where my poetry would make those of us that struggle with the emotions of life feel less alone.  I dreamed of meeting the soul mate who would somehow understand me and I would understand him and together we would weather the stormy seas of life. (That last line is a bit cheesy, I admit it.) Instead I married someone, a good person, who could not hurt me even when the relationship fell apart.  There wasn’t the real angst only a token one. With him I had a house and kids and I did courses that proved I could write because “I was biding my time before I could invest the proper amount of time and effort into getting out there and making it work. First, I needed to finish…”  What did I need to finish? The courses?  It was hard finding time for those courses, I had a shift-worker husband and three kids and I lived out in the suburbs at a distance from family.  Seemingly I was prepared to suffer for things I didn’t dream about and not prepared to suffer for the things I really wanted: a conundrum for sure. “People want to be rich without the risk, without the sacrifice… Everybody wants to have great sex and an awesome relationship—but not everyone is willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings and the emotional psychodrama to get there. And so they settle…They settle for what their comfort zone can handle; the pain they can handle.

The blog was a big step for me.  It exposed my dream to the public.  There is no one day I will publish anymore because I am writing about the event. It is coming. I can’t hide behind tomorrow. And what you may ask will happen with the romance.  Oh well, I can write about it.  It is why I write romance.  I believe great love exists if not for me this time then maybe in the next life because I finally understand that what we get out of life is not determined by the good feelings we desire but by what bad feelings we’re willing and able to sustain to get us to those good feelings.”   Ignore anyone who says you just have to want it enough.  They are wrong.  If it’s right you will want it enough to get it right and not waste years on an ideal or a fantasy so concentrate on the fact that if you don’t get into the game there is no chance of winning.   Pick the right game and play.  There is no gain without cost.  I am just lucky I realised it before any more time passed.  You see for many years I thought I wanted something but then I discovered the truth was I lacked courage.  Was it the wrong dream? I had a choice, find a new dream or pay the costs and make the original dream happen because it hasn’t gone away. But the dream now has a grown-up who wants to play and play hardball.  To quote Mark again our struggles determine our successes. So choose your struggles wisely, my friend.” Time will tell. 

http://qz.com/584874/you-probably-know-to-ask-yourself-what-do-i-want-heres-a-way-better-question/ and MarkManson.net

Until next time,

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